


Lil' Sebastian Rides Again

by youjik33



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Gen, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 07:32:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2539535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youjik33/pseuds/youjik33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>April and Andy play with dark forces, and accidentally resurrect Pawnee's most beloved deceased resident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lil' Sebastian Rides Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anemptymargin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/gifts).



> I hope you actually are okay with anything in this fandom, because this is supremely silly.

"Leslieleslieleslieleslieleslieleslie--" Andy's voice got louder and louder, and Leslie, who had been standing on her desk taking down semi-deflated orange balloons from the previous night's Halloween party, sighed and jumped to the floor, preparing herself for whatever ridiculous minor crisis he'd gotten into this time.

Andy propelled himself into the Parks office, skidding on a pile of fake cobweb that hadn't made it into the trash can yet. April, hot on his heels, slammed the door behind them, and that was when Leslie started to worry, because April was pale and wide-eyed and looked genuinely afraid.

"Oh my God," Ben said from the other side of the room, where he'd been shoving black-and-orange streamers into a trash bag. "What happened to you two?"

"Do you have any garlic?" Andy asked. "I mean I don't know how much we need, but I thought, Leslie really likes pasta, so there might be some garlic in her office-"

"Andy, it's _not a vampire_ , garlic is for vampires, how many times do I have to tell you that?" 

"...April?" Leslie asked slowly. "What's not a vampire?"

"Uh, nothing." April crossed the room without making eye contact and started opening drawers in her desk. "Um. Leslie, do you know what happened to those library books that were on my desk?"

"Yeah, they were overdue, Jerry said he'd run them back for you."

"Dammit, Jerry!" April slammed the drawer shut. "Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but those were magic books, and I maybe cast a spell from one of them and I really need to know how to reverse it because I really didn't think it would actually work. I should've listened to Orin's warning about the moon phases..."

"Wait a minute," Ben said, extracting himself from the crepe paper. "You're telling me the Pawnee library carries _actual_ tomes of black magic?"

"Does that really surprise you, Benjamin?" Ron asked, strolling out of his office. "You know what librarians are like. And this time of year their powers are at their peak."

"Okay, I have no idea if you're serious or not when you start going on about your ex-wife..."

Leslie waved her hand, cutting off her husband's questions. "What exactly did you _do_ , April?"

"There was a spell in there to raise the dead," she said.

"And we figured, who did we want to come back from the dead more than anyone else who's ever died in the history of death?" Andy said cheerfully.

An ominous whinny echoed throughout City Hall. The five of them froze, staring at each other. There was the unmistakable sound of hooves on linoleum, drawing ever closer.

"Lil' Sebastian," Leslie breathed. 

"He's a zombie or something, I guess," April said. "I thought I'd come get the book and find the spell to undo it but stupid Jerry took the stupid book back."

"If he's really a zombie, we have to take him out with a head shot," Ben offered. "Did I really just say that?"

"That's great," Leslie said, "But nobody brings a gun to City Hall."

As soon as the words left her lips everyone turned to stare at Ron.

"Come on," Ron said. "You know as well as I do that there are all kinds of ridiculous rules barring law-abiding citizens from bringing guns into a government building."

"We'll all close our eyes and count to ten," Leslie said, "And nobody will learn your hiding place."

There was another whinny, closer this time. It seemed somehow otherworldly. 

"ONE," Leslie said, screwing her eyes shut. When they reached "ten" nobody was surprised to see that Ron held a rifle in his hands. 

But his normally stoic expression seemed to droop. "Leslie," he said softly, "I don't know if I can do it."

"What are you talking about, Ron?" she said. "You're probably the bravest man I know. Well, except Andy, but that's only because he doesn't know any better-"

"Thanks!" Andy said.

"It's not about bravery," Ron said. "I just don't know if I have the resolution to look at something I love so dearly and shoot it in the face."

"I'll do it," Ben spoke up.

"Are you sure, babe?" Leslie said softly. "Have you ever even fired a gun before?"

"As a matter of fact I have. I used to go deer hunting with my dad sometimes. I mean, I never actually hit anything, but if it's a zombie it's probably not very fast. And much as I loved Lil' Sebastian it's nothing compared to the rest of you; you all knew him for years before I even came to Pawnee. Compared to the rest of you I'm really the best choice." He lowered his voice and leaned in closer to Leslie. "Also I've kind of always wanted to shoot a zombie and when am I possibly going to get another chance?" 

"Good luck," Ron said, handing over the rifle. If he sounded a little bit choked up, the rest of them pretended not to notice. Ben snapped him a salute – it seemed like the appropriate gesture – and strode out into the hall, rifle on his shoulder.

The others pressed against the windows to watch. Ben stood still in the middle of the hall, turning slowly, trying to figure out just which direction the echoing hoofbeats were coming from. For a few moments nothing happened, and then, slowly, something came around the corner.

It was still horse-shaped, at least. It had hooves; bits of mane still stuck in wisps to its long, skeletal neck. Andy whimpered and ducked to the floor. Ron covered his eyes. Leslie's hands went to her mouth and her gaze to Ben. April plastered herself to the glass to get a better look.

The rotting remains of Lil' Sebastian continued clopping down the hallway, one shuffling step at a time. Outside the office Ben raised the rifle, slowly, stared down the sights for a long moment, and then pulled the trigger.

The silence that followed the blast seemed to last an eon, until Andy finally blurted "Holy shit!"

"You did it!" Leslie crowed, rushing into the hall and throwing her arms around Ben. "One shot! That was amazing!"

"We should probably burn the body," April said. "So he doesn't rise again."

"Help me load him into my truck," Ron said, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbing his eyes. "We can take him out to my cabin and do it there. Hopefully his spirit can rest in peace."

Leslie and Ben stood in the parking lot and watched Ron, Andy and April drive off with their secret cargo. "I gotta say, babe, that was amazing," Leslie said, sliding her arm around Ben's waist. "And weirdly hot."

"You want to go home and make out?"

"Do I!" Leslie said. "Can I call you Columbus?"

"Columbus?" Ben griped as they climbed into the car. "Aren't I more of a Tallahassee?"

Leslie wasn't so sure about that, but she didn't argue.


End file.
